I was sitting in a meeting recently with another manager who was trying to convince me that my team needed to do something for him. I felt bad because he wasn’t going to get what he wanted. He had three strikes:
- My team has limited capacity for our existing work
- The work requested wasn’t going to be easy
- He wasn’t able to make it any easier
In this situation, I was the person getting the request, but all to often I’ve been on the other side of the table.
When I first got into a leadership position, I had no idea how much the art of influence is required for the position. At first, the manager role sounded simple enough. I was good at a job. Then when I moved up, I had people reporting to me that were doing the job I was already good at. It seemed simple enough to connect with my team because I knew exactly the challenges they were going through.
Then I found out that telling people to do something and actually getting people to do something are completely different things.
Start with why
Simon Sinek has a TED talk and a book dedicated to this topic, and I highly recommend both. While I only recently had a chance to read the book, it reinforced some of my fundamental beliefs on influence. Whether trying to convince my team that my idea is the best course of action, or trying to convince someone else’s team that they should do what I want, I find it’s always easier to lay a foundation on why I need this done.
Be Genuine
This happens to managers all the time, and team members absolutely are aware of when it occurs. A manager gets told by his or her own manager that something has to be done. Depending on the scope of the ask, this may have come from many levels up, all the way up to the executive suite. There are two ways this message gets passed on:
- Everyone is on the same page, and it’s delivered well. Everyone agrees.
- Everyone is not on the same page. The manager’s voice and body language reflect that when the message gets passed on. The directive typically gets ignored (in my experience).
The first situation is easy. When you agree with the goal, it naturally becomes easier to communicate. This usually happens because you believe in the “why” that you were given.
The second situation happens all too often, and it’s hard to overcome. I think my favorite method of overcoming this is “disagree and commit” that I read in an article about Amazon management principles. Fundamentally, you should voice your issues with the person responsible when it’s being delivered, but once you leave the room, if that’s the direction the team is going, then you should commit 100%. It’s human nature to show displeasure in a decision you don’t like, but if you need others to get on board (and your manager may require that of you), the you need to get on board yourself.
If all else fails, fake it till you make it.
Be kind about it
I’ve found phrase “it’s easier to get ants with honey than salt” always seems applicable when I’m trying to get something done. Another way to say it is to “kill them with kindness”. There’s so many stresses we get throughout the day, and it can be so easy to let those challenges show in the way we speak and body language we use. Rarely have I met a gruff person that I wanted to help, but finding another kind person makes me want to do things for them.
Be a helpful person
Similar to being kind, when building a network, the law of reciprocity can be extremely useful. If you are known as a person who helps others, then they will be more likely to help you when you need it.
For more tips for effective Networking check out my Five ways to network that don’t include a business card
What’s in it for them?
When we need someone to do something for us, we need it for us. For easy requests, sometimes that’s enough. The more complex or difficult the need, the harder it is to get another party onboard. When I’m in that position, I start my argument with why my idea helps that person out. We’ve all got our own projects we need to get completed, and there’s only so many hours in the day. In order to get the support I need, I focus on what helps the other person, or what makes them look good. When I use this technique, I find that not only do I get the help I need, I even get it with a smile.
Find a champion
It’s always easier to influence change when you’ve found a partner in crime to go along with you. This may have come by using some of the other techniques, or maybe you go lucky and found someone else with similar goals, but as soon as you have someone else on your side working towards the same goal, you can start to make a real difference.
- First and foremost, you’ve validated that what you need is something that at least one other person needs. That’s a step in the right direction.
- Second, you now have a second point of view on how to accomplish your end goal.
- Third, you always have someone to point to and say “they like this idea too, so you should like it”.
As much as we don’t like it, humans like to be a part of a group. Getting at least one other person on your side it the start of something.
Can you make them think it was their own idea?
I could get in trouble with my colleagues for admitting that I do this. It’s is a little bit of a wildcard, but when it works, it has stellar results. I’ve used this technique many times with great success. Fair warning, my wife has caught on to this technique, and she can figure out what I’m trying to do before I get there. However, it’s still a great way to help someone see your point of view.
My favorite method for achieving this outcome is lots of questions. It’s basically using the Socratic method, but it really works. Whenever I’m in a discussion with a person or group of people that need to get to a solution, if I have a preferred answer, then I like to ask questions that help lead others to the same conclusion.
In order to do this, I have to voice the questions that I asked myself in order to get to my own conclusion. Then, I see if I can get them to have the same answers I did. When we get to the end result, it’s amazing how many times I get an easy consensus when the other person follows the same question pattern I did.
Some may call it manipulative, but when I get what I want, I still count it as a win. I don’t see it that way beacause I think it’s just helping someone else see things in the same way I see them. I guess the only problem is that I don’t tell them that’s what we’re doing.
Keep working and have a backup plan
You can’t win every battle. At the end of the day, we all have different goals we need to accomplish, and sometimes they aren’t in alignment. When that happens, have an alternative plan. Sometimes it’s going back to the drawing board completely to identify if the idea had any merit in the first place.
Most importantly, don’t burn bridges. Just because someone can’t do something for you today doesn’t mean they won’t be able to help you in the future. Thank them for their time, and move on to the next person to try to get your request done. Using the techniques should eventually get you where you need to go.
Strong Opinions on Management and Leadership 